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I ordered a Thesaurus on line. When it arrived all of the pages were blank!!! No words to describe how angry I am!!
When it comes to to cocking up punchlines....Been there done that ...Got the T.Cup!!

Lovely weekend working locally. Friday night we were over at WHITTINGTON and doing a show for some friends of ours...LICHFIELD AND HATHERTON CANALS RESTORATION TRUST. They do amazing work. So good to meet up with so many old friends there. They always give us such a great time. Thanks to Alan and Pat, Alan and Paula and Clare and Carl. Pauline and husband from Lich. Alan and Carol, John and Gill and their family. Our lovely friends from over the A.5. So many! Big thank you to all for coming and sharing and supporting such a good cause.
Next night we were over at PENKRIDGE PEACE MEMORIAL HALL to raise money for the upkeep of the Village Hall. Lots of people use Village Halls but forget they have to be maintained. Wonderful crowd came along and we had a fun night. Allan has had pie and chips and fish and chips for the last 2 night..as well as his tea. Gannet!! Again loads of people who we hadn't seen for ages. Thanks to all for making it easy.
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Just got back from Oak Furniture Land...worst Theme Park I've ever visited.
Joined a new Anti Social Networking Site called "SHUT YER FACEBOOK "
Quiz Night and a lack of Knowledge of Greek Mythology means we lost again! It's always been my ACHILLES ELBOW.

Tiring week last week. Off to Wales on the Sunday to close the Van for the Winter. Arrived to find that the North Wales Sea air had once again destroyed the Electricity Meter. No light and no fire. Luckily our Site Owner got it fixed with a fair amount of colourful comments aimed at the on site Electricians. F... it Useless W...... seems to be the same in Welsh as in English. Wetherspoons saw us through the worst. Allan always goes into his "How many Duvets do we really need? What is a Mattress topper and a mattress protector..and do we need them "? and so on and so on..the way men do. He was threatened with a slap several times. Now he has the Tendon damage to the shoulder and cannot lift ...or stretch...or get curtains down....he has explained he will just have to be Eye Candy!! In his dreams!! The second picture is about a 1/3 of the stuff we brought back. Stuffing it in every space I can find as we speak.

Got back Wednesday and Friday night we had a great gig at CHASETOWN FOOTBALL CLUB. Lots of friends turned up which was wonderful. Thanks so much. Sorry we didn't take any photos. Lovely to see Jess again. So thrilled she wanted to spend her 17th Birthday night with us. She is a beautiful girl. See you all next year.

Saturday night we were over at GREAT HAYWOOD MEMORIAL HALL where we have been at this time of year for about the last 10 years. Another great time with the lovely people there. Thanks so much to all of you for coming along each year and supporting us and raising money for Katherine House Hospice.
Our love and good wishes to Barry and Kath.
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As the weather starts to turn colder look out for any cows that may be trying to keep warm by lying across your bonnet! ...

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Saw this the other day outside a restaurant..."Children of Progressive Parents Admitted Only on Leads."

Teenagers...they are never easy to handle...but there has to be some penalty for having sex.

Friday and Saturday we had a couple of gigs re-visiting groups we hadn't worked for in a couple of years so it was realy good to catch up with them again.
Friday we were over at Stafford Rangers Football Club for the STAFFORD LIONS and our friends, Pauline and Roger and Chris and Dave. We all go back a long way. Further than we care to remember! They all work so hard fundraising.
As you can see from the photograph we had some strong competition in the next room from a Robbie Williams Trib. Have to say he was a lovely guy and did a fabulous show.He could have blasted us out but he didn't. He was name Dan Budd and he had a great voice. If you like Robbie look out for him. He wore a leather kilt on stage...Oh My!!
Thanks again to all you wonderful Lions for a great night and for our fish and chips.
Next night we are over at SUTTON COLDFIELD at HILL ALLOTMENTS. We have done this many times and know most of the audience. A break of a couple of years... so it was good to see so many familiar faces. Had to have my photo took with this lovely couple who have been coming to see us for FORTY YEARS!!!! They know our act better than we do. Hope you enjoyed your "Fields of Gold" ,Harry. See you all again next year.
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After another in- car domestic concerning directions I feel I have to remind people in general and Allan in particular of the lovely quote from "Roseanne". "Men can read maps better than women, 'cos only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles!"

A final thank you to all of the people who have come along and supported the theatre show "A Black Country Night Out". A big thank you to Brian Yeates Associates who once again presented this show and had the faith in us Yam Yams to put their money where our mouths are.
Great last night at STOURBRIDGE TOWN HALL. Although they were low in numbers they were a great crowd and gave us a really good send off.
Wonderful to see some of our old friends from folk club days there to support us. So much appreciated. Thanks for all the lovely comments.
Special thanks to our friend Katie Ann Round who was on the show with us a couple of years ago and to the wonderful Ben who came backstage bearing a card and a great big box of Krispy Kreem Donuts! Great to see you both. So kind of you to take the time...I know how busy you both are.
Last but not least...thank you to the rest of the cast..Bev Pegg, The Empty Can, Jess Silk and the man himself.. Ian Sludge Lees for being part of a great few weeks and for making the show a happy one.
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A typical "Dandy Audience" en route to a gig. ...

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I have never bought potpourri since the day Allan tried to eat some at a badly lit barbeque! I laughed till I cried!
If women ran the porn industry, the climax of the movie would be when the man shouts "I was wrong!"...Tom McCuddon.

3 gigs over the weekend with thanks to various people. Firstly to our friends Anita and Alan who came along to see us in the Black Country Night at the Core Theatre, Solihull and for all the people who came along from various gigs where we had mentioned it. Much appreciated. Great night. Thanks to all the Staff who made us welcome as always.
Friday night we were over at DRAYTON MANOR GOLF CLUB....on the night of the Fireworks Display at Drayton Manor (in the same grounds)!! Very angry animals and lots of banging if you will pardon the expression.
Great to catch up with our friends Dave and Diane Harrison. Dave and Allan played in footy teams together as teenagers in Wednesbury. Wonderful crowd there. Hadn't been for a few years but they were all very friendly and welcoming.
Saturday and we are back at WESTON VILLAGE HALL for the Church there. This is about our fourth year so I had a bit of work to do to ready the set. Hard to keep coming up with new material. Luckily my voice is almost back to strength now. Thanks again to Alan and Pat and the usual crowd who come along to support the event. Allan wolfed down Steak pie and trifle...while I sucked a Muesli bar and stuck pins in an effigy of him.....
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Wife calling husband with a confession.... "I have some good news and some bad news about the car....the good news is...the air bag works!"
Why is it women will kiss cats ad dogs on the mouth but won't drink from your glass?
The best Heckler Put down ever from Paul Merton.
"Excuse me I'm trying to work here. How would you like it if I stood yelling down the alley while you were giving a blowjob to transexuals"!.... I'll see if I can remember that for the next time...

Three other gigs this week of our own apart from the B.C. Tour. Friday night over to BRIDGNORTH. Traffic not too bad for once. Love that first view coming down Hermitage Hill. Wonderful place. We are at THE PUNCH BOWL to entertain THE BRIDGNORTH GUILD OF FREEMEN. This is a special event and it is posh frocks and Robes and even Allan has had a scrub up. Did not enounter Jessie ..The Crying Child Ghost tonight. I have heard her on a visit here before....must have been too busy for her to manifest tonight.

Next night we are over at BLAKEDOWN GOLF CLUB. Lovely to be back here again. Thank you so much for feeding us and looking after us so well. Great to catch up with you all again.

Sunday afternoon and we are very tired and making our way over to the Park Hotel,, West Bromwich. This is by way of a celebration...20 years of a group formed to support Arthritis Sufferers. Must admit I thought by the nature of it they would be a bit on the miserable side. Not a bit of it. Great crowd of people. Really up for a laugh. Sorry we didn't get any photos. Really enjoyed spending some time with them.
I was convinced the new Bose System had started to malfunction then realised it was a Hearing Aid! Overtired!!
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When girls REALLY don't like another girl..."I don't want to say she's fat but when she was a child she could only play SEEK!"

When does a dog "MOO"? When it's learned a second language!

Meanwhile...back in the real world.. The Black Country Night Out Theatre Tour is nearing it's end. Only 2 more gigs to go now,. Thank God! I hear you say as one. We have two more to do....one at THE CORE, SOLIHULL on Thursday 26th Oct. and then the final one at STOURBRIDGE TOWN HALL on 2nd Nov.

We have all really enjoyed working on the show and it has been well attended and well received. This was a new line up and from audience reaction it has been a success. Split cast age wise...but all from the Black Country and hopefully we have all learned something from each other.The mix worked well. The Empty Can and Jess Silk whose first tour it has been with us have had some great comments.
Thursday we were at the ARTRIX THEATRE at Bromsgrove. Thanks to all for coming and for the Tech. help and welcome we received from Irene and the Staff.
Friday night we were close to home at the ASTON WOOD GOLF CLUB. Great to see Simon and Roger and the staff there. Many thanks to Graham,Pam, Rob and Tor for coming along to support us.
What a wonderful crowd they were! Thank you for giving us all a standing ovation. You made us feel very special.
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  • 24/11/17 CRADLEY at CRADLEY BOWLING CLUB