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A 3 year old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. He said "Mommy.are these my brains?" She said.."No..not just yet!"
"Doctor..can you cure my sleepwalking?"Take these!" said the Doctor. "Are they sleeping pills?" "No, drawing pins..just sprinkle them on your bedroom floor!"
Two men in a pub: "Have you ever been to bed with an ugly woman?" " No! But I've woke up next to a few!"

Back from Italy Wednesday night and back to work Friday night Shock to the system. Pictures of and thanks to all at the 3 gigs.
MAXSTOKE GOLF CLUB:
Thanks to our friends Ken and Gill and all the gang from K.B.L. for inviting us over to entertain at MAXSTOKE GOLF CLUB. Lovely to see so many people who remembered us from our last visit. Great crowd. Thanks to all for making it such a good night.
THE CHURCH OF ST. THOMAS:
Saturday night and we are off to HOCKLEY HEATH MEMORIAL HALL for ST. THOMAS'S CHURCH. A fundraiser for the Church. The Rev sat right in front of me so I was on my best behaviour.
What a fabulous crowd they were. They made us so welcome. We suggest, as a joke, for audienced or age that they might benefit from a short nap at the beginning of the second half. They took us at our word! Great sports. Lovely to chat with so many people Thanks to Di for my lovely Roses, oranges and Allan's Pie and Chips. What a happy Bunny he was!
CREAM TEA FUNDRAISER FOR WYLDE GREEN ROTARY.
Sunday afternoon and we are back with our old friends from WYLDE GREEN ROTARY CLUB. We all go back a long, long way. Chris, Eric, Barry, Alfie, his sister, the Hill Allotments gang....lovely ladies at the front who were suggesting things to improve Allan's arm. So lovely to see them all again.
Wonderful afternoon at CURDSWORTH VILLAGE HALL. Although we were very tired they lifted us. Cream tea to raise money for Rotary Charities particularly DEMENTIA. Just over £1300 was raised during the afternoon. Brilliant work everybody. Allan could not resist the cakes and feels sure they helped him forget his painful arm!! Felt wrecked last night but it was worth it.
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I wonder if the Vet's Receptionist realises how many peoples' passwords she knows!
Overheard at a Black Country Wedding...."God! the Brides's ugly!
"Excuse me! That's my daughter you're talking about!
I'm sorry ..hadn't realised you are her Father!
"I'm not! I'm her Mother!"
Why did the Vegan cross the road? To tell someone they were a Vegan!
BACK TO WORK.......after a month off in August to re charge our batteries and experience more Welsh rain. We started back with 2 gigs this weekend.
Friday night we were over at STRATFORD OAKS GOLF CLUB. Our first time there. Lovely crowd. Allan decided the P.A. had gained weight during the summer...even though he had his new truck. Difficult building to get the gear in but great night so well worth it. Thank you for the email. The Social Committee described it as a great Comedy evening with amazing feedback.
Next night we are local and with our good friends Eternity Duo .....Nicky and Cliff. Over at Aldridge Social Club and no gear to carry in. Brilliant. Thanks to Nicky and Clifff for the ride and use of their gear. Great to see so many friends we did not expect to see.
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Justin Beiber has made an amazing contribution to World Music. He's cancelled his tour!
A man was attacked at the Teddy Bears Picnic. Condition improving...but he's not out of the woods yet.
I hope the guy who invented Auto Correct burns in Hello!

Its Saturday night and we are on the road again.But not for long.Home to venue 7 mins Norton Canes Community Centre.
Lots of people have turned up.
Many we know from living in the Village since 1971. Many who have never seen us before.Some who were forced to come and some who thought it was dance class night. Bringing your own food and drink I think is a great idea ... it gives people an alternative if they dont like the act!.
We had a fabulous night . No one fell asleep. No one left early, it couldn't have been any better .Thank you Norton Canes, it means a lot to us . It means we can still go in , The Paper Shop. The Chemist and The Doctors without going in disguise.
Also we dont have to sell up and leave The village.
Many thanks .Glyn and Allan.
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"What do we want? Hearing Aids!!
"When do we want them? Hearing Aids!!"
"I have OCDC! It's like OCD but it F****** Rocks!"

Lovely gig last weekend with our great friends Nicky and Cliff aka Eternity Duo. A special night at Hagley Golf and Country Club. Captain's Night .....and they were all very smart. They didn't need us until about 10.00 p.m. so we had a great social night with Nick and Cliff up in a very comfortable room. Wonderful audience. Big thanks to everyone for making it such a great night. Special thanks for the letter of thanks and kind words. !t was our pleasure.
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Couldn't post publicity for the forthcoming "A Black Country Night Out" Theatre Tour without paying our respects to all the people we have been lucky enough to work with on Black Country Nights over many years. Sadly so many have left us...but they have left us with many happy memories. Apologies to people I may have missed due to lack of photographic evidence! Hope you enjoy seeing them again. ...

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Dandy-Comedy Duo updated their cover photo. ...

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"Calling all YAM YAMS an them as con undestond the lingo..."

Doing our bit to promote the show. Countdown has started for the Autumn "A Black Country Night Out" Theatre Tour. See publicity stuff below.
Time off in August for Dandy to finalise and argue over Theatre set,, prepare new songs (by new I mean ...new to us) and material (i.e. regenerate old material with a new twist and trust your memories are as bad as our own), photos for new publicity and new face smoothing app. for phone.
We have, as it stands, 43 shows between September and Christmas.
Check out the website if you are interested in coming to any...dandycomedy.co.uk
Need to stay fit and healthy. Anybody who knows me is already laughing. I shall be starting the vitamins, going in search of the face cream that promises a new face. The new body diet will be dead in the water by end of September and the new fitness regime will have been abandoned and I will probably have injured myself in the process.. I may take up meditation or chanting.
Such is life in the Almost Stopped Lane!
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The man who invented cat's eyes got the idea when he saw a cat facing him in the road. If the cat had been facing the other way, He'd have invented the pencil sharpener. Ken Dodd

Tuesday 11th July Patshull Park Golf Club. Pattingham Ladies Flower Clubs 40th Anniversary.What a wonderful setting.The room looked splendid,and so did all the ladies.Thank you all for making us so welcome.We really do appreciate it.The only downside of the night was going on to the M54, then finding the next junction to Cannock was closed.So Pattingham to Norton Canes via M54 onto M6 off at Walsall , double back on the M6 to Cannock was not a route i had planned..
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How many out there have reache this stage.."The most important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry I thnk of my sex life. If I have t laugh I think of my sex life!"
Glenda Jakson.

Saturday July 8th ,Druids Heath Golf Club , Aldridge. Tonight Rita has organised a party for her family and many friends.She told us they were lovely people who loved a laugh and a sing .She did not lie .Lots of friendly banter.I think they enjoyed it as much as we did. Many thanks everybody.
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Allan said to me.."If you won the lottery, would you still love me?"I said "Yes, my love of course I would! I'd miss you...but I'd still love you!"

Friday night and a long journey for us.Down the Chester road to Boldmere ,Sutton Coldfield .Due to heavy traffic we must have been on the road a good thirty minutes !.St Michaels Church Hall is tonights venue.Its been a couple of years since we were last here.The audience were very welcoming last time ,and even more so this time.We had a smashing night . Many thanks for the Buffett ( a big yum yum from me ).Im told i shouldn' eat before i go on stage . I come from Wednesbury ,thats never going to happen is it ?. All the people who worked really hard to put this night on deserve a big thank you.
In the region of £700 was raised for MacMillan Cancer Care .
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  • 22/09/17 SUTTON COLDFIELD at WALMLEY CLUB